So I talk a lot about relationships and relationship building and I was wondering today, what is really the value of relationships? And I’m not always sure. I have tons of relationships and tend to know who to refer people to for just about anything but sometimes I get lost in my own relationships and end up getting nothing done for myself. It’s something to think about - at what point is there diminishing returns in building your network?
Patience is very important. Even if you think a deal is perfect, coming off too strong too quickly can easily scare people away. This isn’t a good thing. Make sure you craft the timing of your pitch to the way your counter party works. Don’t scare them away. Feel it out. Give bits at a time. Building business relationships is like getting a date. Sure you can ask a girl out and get her into bed fast - but the odds are if you try that, it won’t work and you’ll look like a jerk. A couple of dates are usually pretty standard. Next time you’re doing a business deal, ask yourself how fast and loose your counter party is and craft your approach accordingly. Don’t be a sleazy jerk!
So I figured tonight I’d share something i hate. Keeping my contacts and papers in order. I’ll admit it, i’m not good at keeping my accounting and paperwork in order. I tell his to all of my partners up front and we figure it out but in general it stresses me out, once upon a time i used to be organized and great with it. In fact I was an accounting major at one point and taught an accounting class. What happened? I have no idea but i rather focus my time building relationships in person than worrying about all the details.
So I recently broke up with my longtime girlfriend, Bluey. We’ve been together for about 5 years and then we decided to break up. We’re still seeing each other but its weird. Are people meant to really be in long term relationships? The relationship was really hard the whole time even though i completely love her. Arg!
So I would like to make a distinction in our initial relationships are formed. Most people talk about a first impression, I talk about it in terms of a First Touch Experience. An impression is a brief hello. A First Touch Experience is the first time you really interacted. You could have briefly met at a party or event but not really talked - and while first impressions “mean everything” they really don’t. A poor first impression can be corrected with a solid first touch experience. Next time you meet someone new, think for a second as to why you are meeting them and what you are talking about. Are you selling something? Selling yourself? or creating meaningful experience? A conversation is a meaningful experience, so is sharing a laugh, telling someone for 6 minutes about your widget is not. Make sure the first time you experience someone you consciously are aware of the experience. Don’t focus on collecting business cards or making a suave impression. Focus on what that person takes away from the overall experience. Do you really want someone to leave an encounter thinking your a suave salesman? Or would you rather leave that person with them having an experience and wanting more?
Centernetworks gave me some great coverage and you can see a link to the video
There is an old saying (that i made up) “At the heart of every conversation is a relationship”.
Everything we do, every interaction is based on relationships in some form. Even if you are doing a rote task, you got there on a relationship in some form.
So when people say they are idealists or want to be pure and not have people help them with anything or not allow you to help them find a job using your network or help them get into grad school or whatever - they are wrong but entitled to their own opinions. Life is about relationships, leverage them or you’re missing out.
Most people don’t understand what networking really is. To most networking is going to a conference and getting to meet everyone on the floor for 30 seconds, shake a hand, collect a card. This is wrong!
A couple of reasons: first, most people won’t remember you, second if they do, you’ve done nothing to build a relationship and the odds are you offered no value - add to them.
I call these people Hyper Networkers - they come off like leeches circling an entire group sucking a card out of everyone.
The professional networker takes a different approach. First, his goal is to get to know the host, not the speakers, THE HOST and then to offer something of value to the host - maybe volunteer to help at the next event or refer him a speaker or something to that tune. The professional networker doesn’t ask for anything in return. He knows that by getting on the good side of the host - a connector - he can reach the entire group - with a personal introduction.
Would you rather meet someone in the audience out of the blue or be introduced by the host? Which looks better for you?
Let’s dig a little further, say the host is crazy, greedy or just not around - what do you do? You meet people. You talk to people. You have a CONVERSATION with people, you TRY TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT BUSINESS as much as possible. Why? As soon as a conversation slips to be about how you can work together, you’ve lost the ability to build a relationship for the moment because you’ve both slipped into greed mode and your guards are up and minds racing with dollars.
When I meet people, I try to avoid talking about myself and what i really do or my real goals. If it’s an investor I will try HARD not to pitch them on anything even if they ask and if they insist i will be coy and change topics. If its a business development deal, I will allude to possibilities but not go into any specifics and maybe ask about the persons lunch. Nothing is worse than turning a good conversation into a purposeful conversation when you first meet people - at least if you are like me and pride yourself on building relationships. Relationships are the reason you get asked to go to drinks, it’s the reasons to get invited to go to parties, they are the reason people talk to you. Unless your ass is being kissed but then those people won’t show up to your funeral when all those feet up your ass cause a heart attack.
When it comes to meeting new clients, i first ask them about themselves and their passions and what they really want to do before talking about anything about business when possible.
I would much rather learn what someone’s passion is or aspirations then how “we can work together”. Why? A) You can actually get into a real conversation and maybe even make a friend (GASP) but in truth when you ask people what they want to do (as long as they don’t say its what they are currently doing), you have successfully managed to separate that person from his or her job and got the person to completely let their guard down.
Think about this - would you want your boss to find out that you really want to start a XYZ widget bangers and that you secretly hate your job? Of course not! But now that the person has shared this with you, you are now on the inside. They are not going to think nearly as critically about you and will be more likely to help you and it will be a lot easier to build a relationship. Try it out for yourself. Better yet if you can put yourself in a situation where you could potentially help people achieve their personal goals - you’ve just struck gold. Like when I introduce myself to people, I first say that i love helping people start companies, on my business card it says “helping people fulfill their dreams” - then i can go into my day job (running an online ad company) and they will be truly curious because i first offered potential value to them before asking for anything in return.
Another very important part of networking is listening, let people talk. Ask questions, don’t try to pitch or sell yourself. NO one cares. No one wants to be sold, they want to be heard. Listen to people, it works with women to by the way. I”m not talking about the sensitive guy shtick that guarantee you get your heart broken but just plain listening. Girls love to lalk, (i’ll address this in my next post.) People love to talk about themselves. Just ask probing questions like “howd you end up where you are now?” Do you like your job? What’s your dream? When you out of the suit and tie, what do you do to relax? These are great open ended questions that people will usually fervently answer and think well of you for asking.
Always ADD VALUE. Offer people help before asking them for something. In fact if you OFFER value without provocation - there is a good chance they will bend over backwards to reciprocate without even realizing. YOu meet someone, introduce them to a few people that could help them. No one does this. The few people who do are the connectors - the professional networkers - the power players - the people that everyone aggregates around - better yet the people who others call when they need advice. Nothing is sweeter than to be needed and to really be able to help people. Karma works. Karma fucking works.
The world runs on favors. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. There are a number of issues with favors. First the obvious, a lot of people are users and won’t come through for you when you need a favor back. Or they do it out of guilt or hoping to cash in another favor in return - these situations are usually obvious.
The truth is very few people help without asking for favors in return. Personally, I never count things tit for tat. Life is too short. I also typically offer favors without people asking and tend to do lots of them. I volunteer goodwill. I don’t care if its not strategic, its my nature. However, when I ask for a favor, I always reciprocate several times over and I don’t ask for many favors.
My issue tonight is different and it’s a surefire way to kill a relationship. Doing favors builds goodwill however agreeing to do a favor and not coming through or worse putting it off or not taking it seriously is really fucking stupid. Letting someone down is not cool. Trying and tell them you are trying and not being able to come through is ok but saying “sure, i’ll do it, no problem” and not coming through gives off such badwill its not even funny. It essentially burns your chance of getting a favor back and you gain nothing in the process….my 2 cents…
1) Unless your job is a broker, never straight broker anything unless you actually add value. It’s stressful and leads to strained relationships.
2) When you meet someone you find would be a good person to know, immediately offer advice and introductions without them asking…be nice without asking for anything in return…very few people do it and it builds incredible good will and it doesn’t matter if your introductions end in a deal…it’s one of the few times intent is just as an important as result
3) If you can throw the events, then you control the power of the pulpit.
4) If you can’t/don’t want to throw the event, make yourself invaluable to host, make yourself the kingmaker and be the one to step in when there’s the issue.
5) If someone does you a favor, return it 2X
That’s pretty much it. That’s how I network and anyone that knows me knows I’m a super networker and rarely if ever ask for anything back and usually just like helping people. Helping people is the key= providing value.
Hope I’m helpful
Richie
So by now you’re probably wondering what it is?
The answer is this; be a good person.
haha. you probably think I’m kidding I’m not. the most powerful networking tactic is to volunteer yourself to do small favors for friends. They don’t have to be big, it could be as simple as saving someone a seat in a conference or showing up at their office with a bottle of wine on a glum day. be nice and people reciprocate.
To go even further, I will show you what I do. Whenever I meet anyone that i think is a serious person and a potential good connection, I voluntarily introduce them to at least 2 people and as many as 10 people - without them asking. Of course the people need to be relevant to each other but they don’t have to have a specific purpose. Say you just met an entrepreneur in Kansas, you then introduce him to another entreprenuer in Kansas. Maybe they will be friends but they will appreciate it.
What is the effect of this? Well everyone you introduce will think you are super well connected and thus when you need something will be more inclined to help you out because they think you will be valuable to them in the future? Everyone loves you and it doesn’t matter if the people you connect ever do any business. They appreciate the gesture because no one ever does this. Heck, you can keep introducing people to the same 10 friends you already have. Sure you may not be a super networker but people will think you are and act accordingly.
More so, very few people ever volunteer referrals. This is for several reasons, first people are lazy, second people generally are not outwardly nice and volunteer to help, people are worried you may burn their friends, people want to take a cut and broker things.
If you actively volunteer introductions, advice or info, people are appreciate and remember that. They will give your name to people that need your help. If you are lucky you will find people that will volunteer to make 1 connection, if you are lucky. Most people you have to ask to tap their network. If you want to be a super connector, you must volunteer your network and make a flurry of referrals. It will overwhelm them, that is good. That means they will think you are a good guy and know a lot of people. One day you will need a favor from them and they will gladly do it because you spent 2 minutes and introduced them to 5 people they probably talked to once and then forgot about.
Everyone wants to know a super networker. You can be one now.
Now my last post was some general tricks for how to be a good networker. There are 2 more topics that need to be covered. The first one is
Be the Host.
Organize people and host events. Start a MeetUp.com group or leverage your linkedin connections. If you are the host you have the power. Use it. Find your local trade and industry groups, join the volunteer event committees. Sure you have to do work but you get credibility and contacts out of it. I’ve hosted many networking events and am on several event committees. I love it. I get to be in charge and be in control and people love me for it. Of course, this isn’t for everyone as it’s isn’t easy to be able to organize and run a meeting.
Now for the real networking tactic….the one that i use everyday … it is so simple you’re going to say “woah! why don’t I do that now!?”…. what is it?
Well, you’ll have to wait for my next post…hehe…
The most important thing in business is customer service. I don’t care how good your product is. If you want to last for the long term, provide good customer care. Build a relationship with your customers.
Sending your customers to a call center in india, pakistan or whereverthefuck to read a predefined script is not customer service, it’s customer disservice. This is from someone that used to run a large call center company, which I did.
Care for your customers. LISTEN to what they want and give it to them. Empower your employees to give refunds, discounts or whatever they need to save customer. Don’t just have reps pass the buck. If t hey have to pass the buck then they shoud’nt be your customer service reps. Customer Service defines your business and quality care is the BEST WAY TO GET REFERRALS.
For those of you enamored by viral marketing, a little information, VIRAL MARKETING IS ANOTHER WAY TO SAY REFERRAL MARKETING.
Create positive buzz and your brand will survive even bad calamities. Handle situations by owning up to it, not denying it. The coverup is always worse than the scandal.
Me, I give all of my clients my cell and AIM and they can reach me 24/7. If you need me, call me. I rarely get late calls but when I do i take them. People appreciate it and actually call you less as a result knowing that they can is usually enough.
Think of yourself in your customers shoes. How would you want to be treated?
This message is intended for bankers and other such people that think saving money on cheap call centers is a good thing. IT IS NOT.
