Bootstrapper.com - Confessions of Serial Entrepreneurs

So I recently read the book Man’s Search for Meaning. The book details the psychological underpinnings of a man as he went through the Holocaust. Instead of talking about all the evil, it focused on how people thought. The best example that comes to mind is that they used to have transport trucks that needed to take X numbers of prisoners to death camps. Of course, everyone didn’t want to be on it or their friends to be on it so they did everything possible to avoid it. However, if someone got out of going on the truck that means, someone else had to go on the truck - to die. The book’s premise is at the end of the day, we have all have a very simple moral character - whatever is in our (us, family, very close friends) immediate best interest. People at their core do what makes sense for them. Of course there are exceptions but they are just that - exceptions.

The second half of the book deals with the authors psychology theory, Logotherapy says that man’s goal is to find meaning in what we do. After all don’t most teenagers love to question “whats the point” and they are more honest then the rest of us (unless they are lying)

From wikipedia…

The following list of tenets represents Frankl’s basic principles of Logotherapy:
Life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones.
Our main motivation for living is our will to find meaning in life.
We have freedom to find meaning in what we do, and what we experience, or at least in the stand we take when faced with a situation of unchangeable suffering.
The human spirit is referred to in several of the assumptions of Logotherapy, but it should be noted that the use of the term spirit is not “spiritual” or “religious”. In Frankl’s view, the spirit is the will of the human being. The emphasis, therefore, is on the search for meaning, which is not necessarily the search for God or any other supernatural being. Frankl also noted the barriers to humanity’s quest for meaning in life. He warns against “…affluence, hedonism, [and] materialism…” in the search for meaning.

So I’m in involved with a non profit, takealltypes.org, we have about 50 people who volunteered to help, in reality we have 4 people doing work on it though, its interesting how no matter what type of organization, you start with X and end up with X-10.

I think people like volunteering but not doing any functional work. This is also why most startups stutter, founders dont take things seriously. I am very wary of startups that aren’t full time jobs (including my own) as a result of focus. If you want to succeed at a startup you need to be 1000X dedicated and focused or you’ll drop the ball.

There is an old saying (that i made up) “At the heart of every conversation is a relationship”.

Everything we do, every interaction is based on relationships in some form. Even if you are doing a rote task, you got there on a relationship in some form.

So when people say they are idealists or want to be pure and not have people help them with anything or not allow you to help them find a job using your network or help them get into grad school or whatever - they are wrong but entitled to their own opinions. Life is about relationships, leverage them or you’re missing out.

Teamwork is a form of manipulation. It does not exist. Teamwork is essentially how very intelligent people get the average fool to sacrifice his own self interest for something non-existent.

Now before you start yelling - this does NOT apply in non profit and do-gooder situations. This is also the rule and there are always a few exceptions.

However the concept of teamwork is bullshit. People work in teams so that they can advance their own self interest. Maybe each member of the team wants to finish so that they can get a bonus or not fired but they are working for their own self interest. Anyone that tells you to take one for the team is trying to manipulating you. This is the concept behind wars/armies. Sacrificing for the greater good. In general this is bullshit - if you sacrifice yourself for the greater good - you are dead and the person that told you to do so (the president) is probably still alive. Ergo, the next time you hear that, ask the President (or general or boss) to step on a land-mind instead of you. See what happens. 99/100 they will balk, run away and whimper into a corner.

If your boss asks you to take the fall for the team - you are being his patsy - not helping the people. People are motivated purely by self - interest. For example we help people because we want to feel good about helping people. If someone is asking you to sacrifice your own self interest, you are the fool.

Most people don’t understand what networking really is. To most networking is going to a conference and getting to meet everyone on the floor for 30 seconds, shake a hand, collect a card. This is wrong!

A couple of reasons: first, most people won’t remember you, second if they do, you’ve done nothing to build a relationship and the odds are you offered no value - add to them.

I call these people Hyper Networkers - they come off like leeches circling an entire group sucking a card out of everyone.

The professional networker takes a different approach. First, his goal is to get to know the host, not the speakers, THE HOST and then to offer something of value to the host - maybe volunteer to help at the next event or refer him a speaker or something to that tune. The professional networker doesn’t ask for anything in return. He knows that by getting on the good side of the host - a connector - he can reach the entire group - with a personal introduction.

Would you rather meet someone in the audience out of the blue or be introduced by the host? Which looks better for you?

Let’s dig a little further, say the host is crazy, greedy or just not around - what do you do? You meet people. You talk to people. You have a CONVERSATION with people, you TRY TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT BUSINESS as much as possible. Why? As soon as a conversation slips to be about how you can work together, you’ve lost the ability to build a relationship for the moment because you’ve both slipped into greed mode and your guards are up and minds racing with dollars.

When I meet people, I try to avoid talking about myself and what i really do or my real goals. If it’s an investor I will try HARD not to pitch them on anything even if they ask and if they insist i will be coy and change topics. If its a business development deal, I will allude to possibilities but not go into any specifics and maybe ask about the persons lunch. Nothing is worse than turning a good conversation into a purposeful conversation when you first meet people - at least if you are like me and pride yourself on building relationships. Relationships are the reason you get asked to go to drinks, it’s the reasons to get invited to go to parties, they are the reason people talk to you. Unless your ass is being kissed but then those people won’t show up to your funeral when all those feet up your ass cause a heart attack.

When it comes to meeting new clients, i first ask them about themselves and their passions and what they really want to do before talking about anything about business when possible.

I would much rather learn what someone’s passion is or aspirations then how “we can work together”. Why? A) You can actually get into a real conversation and maybe even make a friend (GASP) but in truth when you ask people what they want to do (as long as they don’t say its what they are currently doing), you have successfully managed to separate that person from his or her job and got the person to completely let their guard down.

Think about this - would you want your boss to find out that you really want to start a XYZ widget bangers and that you secretly hate your job? Of course not! But now that the person has shared this with you, you are now on the inside. They are not going to think nearly as critically about you and will be more likely to help you and it will be a lot easier to build a relationship. Try it out for yourself. Better yet if you can put yourself in a situation where you could potentially help people achieve their personal goals - you’ve just struck gold. Like when I introduce myself to people, I first say that i love helping people start companies, on my business card it says “helping people fulfill their dreams” - then i can go into my day job (running an online ad company) and they will be truly curious because i first offered potential value to them before asking for anything in return.

Another very important part of networking is listening, let people talk. Ask questions, don’t try to pitch or sell yourself. NO one cares. No one wants to be sold, they want to be heard. Listen to people, it works with women to by the way. I”m not talking about the sensitive guy shtick that guarantee you get your heart broken but just plain listening. Girls love to lalk, (i’ll address this in my next post.) People love to talk about themselves. Just ask probing questions like “howd you end up where you are now?” Do you like your job? What’s your dream? When you out of the suit and tie, what do you do to relax? These are great open ended questions that people will usually fervently answer and think well of you for asking.

Always ADD VALUE. Offer people help before asking them for something. In fact if you OFFER value without provocation - there is a good chance they will bend over backwards to reciprocate without even realizing. YOu meet someone, introduce them to a few people that could help them. No one does this. The few people who do are the connectors - the professional networkers - the power players - the people that everyone aggregates around - better yet the people who others call when they need advice. Nothing is sweeter than to be needed and to really be able to help people. Karma works. Karma fucking works.

So my girlfriend tells me all the time that I need to see a shrink. You know, a head doctor. While I used to call her crazy (notice the irony) it finally sunk in that she’s right. But i don’t look at it for the same reason (mind you: I haven’t gone yet).

I would like to make a bold statement: All Entrepreneurs Should Seek Professional Help! …

The amount of times you should go every month should be X, where X is the amount of companies you have started (including failed ones)…okay okay maybe not THAT often…

But here’s why? Entrepreneurs are creative folk like your average comedian or artist. Comedians and artists admit they are screwed up generally. Entrepreneurs don’t. Here’s why - we don’t like to admit we have a problem or that anything is wrong. We feel that starting up companies is our calling and there is nothing wrong with fulfilling our calling. But there is - we are NOT normal people.

Here’s why? The average person can go to a job, work 9-5 and separate. We can’t ever separate, even if we are running a successful company - we don’t know how to leave enough alone.

Case in point: How many of you entrepreneurs out there like working nights? Send out 2AM emails or at least write them at 2AM and then save the draft to send in the morning so people don’t think you’re crazy (I gave up on this practice and just send it out when I think it up), how many of you can actually NOT work nights if you want to. If you are a serial entrepreneur I will bet you that you can’t.

How many of us ignore our friends and family for days, weeks, months at a time while we are incubating our ideas?

How many of us put off social arrangements to work? Take phone calls in the middle of parties and while having friends over take your laptop and start writing emails.

How many of us have ADHD and space out randomly for hours while thinking up a new idea?

How many of us come late to things because we just had a new great idea?

How many of us can’t stop to think before building?

How many of us are terrible at choosing business partners and HR because we can’t stop to analyze?

How many of us have been screwed in the search for our truth instead of waking up, smelled the coffee, relaxed and did it the right way?

How many of us run instead of walk, even without our morning coffee?

How many of us are agreeing with what I’m saying now but still insisting we are fine?

I am willing to go on the record and speculate that if you said yes to my questions above you are probably brilliant, have massive ADHD and are manic depressive. In fact I don’t think I know a single serial entrepreneur that isn’t manic depressive. We space out and sometimes go months without feeling like ourselves, especially after being screwed out of what was, should have been or still is a great business. During those months we usually try a million things and they all fail because in a way we are doing them out of revenge (against ourselves) and not thinking them through. They may be great ideas and be right on the money but we have a tendency to “reduce risk” by spreading ourselves too think after getting screwed. If you are a serial entrepreneur, you will lose your shirt at least once (sometimes your pants too) and you will get screwed. It’s in our nature. We move before we think as a result it happens we get screwed. A few of us are lucky to surround ourselves with good people but it’s usually that first person, that partner we should not have taken on that fucks us and there is nothing we can do.

How do we solve this - with my latest and greatest idea - one that I am not going to do but will happily help with if someone takes it up - StartUpShrink.com.

I want to see shrinks market themselves as startup advisers. You need business advisers and you need mental advisers if you want to succeed. Us entrepreneurs don’t listen to friends, family and loves ones because “they don’t know our business” - well maybe its time we get a 3rd party unbiase’d opinion from someone who knows our mind. After all, if we took rational approaches in the first place, we wouldn’t get ourselves into the half the problems us Serialists end up getting into. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are probably lying or not a hyperactive serialist entrepreneur - or just dam fucking lucky.

Now there is a stigma about seeing shrinks, esp. for most entrepreneurs because “we know we’re brilliant” and think can self diagnose. We also happen to be a delusional lot - we don’t know crap about our brains (and i don’t even care if you are a serial scientist - you need help to - just ask your wife!!!…or should i say Ex Wife!!!!)

So where are you Mr or Mrs Shrink that will get a good domain, brand yourself and market yourself to people who need you. We need advisers, not shrinks even though its the same thing. It’s all about the marketing. I can guarantee that a smart shrink with some good marketing will get more clients then you can ever imagine.

And lastly for entrepreneurs out there before you say you’d rather put the $250/hour for a shrink into your business. Let me ask you this: is it worth $250/month to save you from that one hair brained idea or asshole partner that cost you $10,000,000. You know what I’m talking about and it’s fucking true. Spend a few bux a month on a mental adviser and live happier and with less divorces, breakups and pissed off friends - and deeper pockets of course.