Networking Vs. Picking Up Chics
This post is Dedicated to Steve. You know who you are.
In this post, my goal is to show you how my networking tricks relate to picking up tricks. I talk a lot about the power of networking and I call myself a professional networker but what everyone really wants to know is - ’so he’s this networking guru, fuck him, i bet he can’t get laid!’
BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING ELSE THERE IS ONE THING TO KEEP IN MIND - BE REAL - BE GENUINE - THESE ARE POWERFUL STRATEGIES, IF YOU ABUSE THEM MIKE TYSON WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN. seriously though, please be a real person, these are just approaches that i have learned that work. Sure by reading this, you could say i’m full of crap that i’m just playing a game - well gentlemen life is a game but all of you that know me, know that i am genuine with all i say and do.
To Start Off, I’d like to say that I have a girlfriend, my Bluey who I love so I don’t need to pick up chics. I also won’t cheat on her because I don’t believe in cheating. But I still pick up girls all the time. I don’t do it on purpose, I just follow the same rules of networking whenever I meet new people and girls like me.
Now, I’m not 6′2, Dark, Body Builder. I’m 5′7, 160, athletic, though I admit I do have stunning eyes. I’m slightly above average. I know this, - you know this - but it doesn’t matter. I can still pick you up.
RULE 1: ALWAYS HAVE A LEAD IN
When meeting someone new, you want to have a way to lead into a conversation. In the Pick up Artist, Mystery calls these sets. I call them lead ins in business. They are what will spark a conversation. Jokes and probing questions are usually effective depending on the situation. For example, �A friend of mine cheated on her BF with another girl, should she tell him?� Or make a joke about the situation you are in. or maybe be a little coy � �So when was the last time a pickup line worked on you?� DO NOT USE A STANDARD PICKUP LINE.
In business this works similarly, don�t ask how you can work together. Ask what they really want to do. Ignore the name of their company and ignore what they currently do, ask them what they would like to do. This is extremely effective way to break down people�s barriers. I will go into more detail in my other rules. Or make a joke about the situation.
The best way to lead in is with a personal introduction which will be covered later.
RULE 2: CONFIDENCE
My first rule is what I just said “I can still pick you up” - It’s CONFIDENCE. Now look how I led into that statement. First I admitted I’m basically average looking, I admitted I am HUMAN. But then I followed it up with a confident statement. If I was the 6′2 dark guy then it would be an arrogant statement and arrogance tends to piss people off but because I led into it with honesty and by stating i’m the underdog, It’s confidence. There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Don’t cross it. Everyone is wary of the slicked back salesman. Everyone likes the person that believes in themselves though. Everyone loves the underdog but roots against the favorite. Use your confidence to make yourself a passionate underdog and people will like you. In a social setting use your confidence to show people you are serious but not uptight, don’t run, walk slowly, don’t start yelling, hold yourself back. Relax but come across like you know your shit. Everyone likes people that know their shit but hate people that talk too much like they know everything. News flash - you don’t know everything so don’t pretend that you do. DON’T BRAG BUT COME OFF WITH PASSION - AND NOT AS A FANATIC!
RULE 3: MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
A very important rule is to make people like you. You don’t have to be the center of attention but you just need to make people like you. There are a number of ways to do this but the easiest is to make people laugh - once. Make an intelligent comical statement about your mutual surroundings. This serves a few purposes, first it shows her that you can listen, because you’re observing your surroundings. Girls love people who listen and observe (though they secretly hate people who fawn). Also if you make someone laugh it’s the key to their heart. Its the best way to break down a barrier. One joke is all you need. One single good funny statement. If you can show a girl how to laugh, there’s a decent shot you can take her home. Don’t go overboard, keep it simple - then start talking and most importantly asking questions - they will like you if you do. This works in business too - if you make people laugh they won’t think you’re another business card whore. Making people laugh makes you the center of attention in a positive way. There’s an old saying for speakers - always lead in with a joke - there’s a reason for it - laughter is the worlds greatest way to relax. When people are relaxed they listen.
RULE 4: OFFER PERCEIVED VALUE
Girls Love Value. Not Money - Value. Offering Value is buying a girl dinner or introducing her to everyone at the party, this is good. The opposite of this is trying to buy the girl as a trophy and show off her legs. This serves the opposite effect. The trophy girl that is only there for your money will never respect you - ever. She respects the beggar in the street more than you because at least the beggar is honest that he wants to buy booze and you are pretending to really want her - when are you want is a lease on her legs.
Now how do you offer perceived value?
Power is a form of perceived value but it only works once. This could be a big job, a lot of money, a nice car, be the host, the social butterfly, the smartest guy in the room, be the sexiest person there, be the most relaxed guy in the room� these are forms are perceived value � these get peoples attention to want to learn who you are. However they only work once, a girl isn�t gong to far for you because you are the VP of Chase. She may be impressed but she won�t fall for you unless you offer something else. Initial perceieved value is how you get attention. Making a girl laugh works very well and doesn�t require any money or social standing. The same works in networking, make people laugh or offer some type of reason people will want to be around you. If all you are is a business card whore, no one will give a shit.
Now the trick to truly picking up girls is offering ongoing perceived value. What is that? This is what makes a girl stay with you for more than 5 minutes. It could be that your good in bed. It could be your funny, it could be your smart. A gorgeous guy that is airhead is not going to get a girl to stay with him if hes not good in bed for the most part (the opposite isn�t true � guys may stay with a hot stupid girl even if she sucks because guys are idiots). It could be that you�re funny. It could be that you keep taking her to the most amazing parties. It could be that your just such a good guy. Offering value once may get her once, if you want a one night stand that�s fine but it won�t work long term. However if you try to buy her � throw money at her � that will be your demise � if at some point you run out of money you no longer offer any value � this is a fake relationship because the value you offer is bought and not based on your own good graces. If a concierge or checkbook is what�s offering her value � then she should be dating the concierge or JP Morgan and not you and if she is � she will leave you when Cornelius Vanderbilt comes along.
In a business setting offering perceived is making people think you can help their careers. Maybe you can be a source of consistent business, maybe yo know a lot of people, maybe you know a lot of employers, maybe you host the events and can connect people to anyone, maybe you can offer deal flow, maybe you can offer people access to capital, maybe you can help people fulfill their dreams. You need to offer people more than just the deal you present at that moment if you want to build a relationship. Networking is not about now, it�s about the long term. Sure you can be a business card whore and strike a deal on the spot � but 99/100 people you meet you won�t be able to do a deal with and you will lose out on 99 potential relationships. Perhaps that 99 relationships could have resulted in 3 deals and 5 friends � that�s a lot better than the 1 deal you got being a business card whore.
Me, i”m a connector. I make introductions that are valuable. Everyone that is my friend knows when they need something they come to ask me and there’s a good chance I put them on the right path to it. Therefore, I am valuable to them. I have friends that want to start a company, they ask me how to build their website, I have friends that are investors, they ask me to forward them deals . I have friends looking for a job they ask me to find them a company or a recruiter. They all trust my opinion and come to me. I actually can offer value. However the way I started this is by offering people things before they asked. That gained their trust. When I meet people I like and have a bond with - I offer introductions, gratis. They ask me what I want for it - I say nothing. In fact sometimes, I say in a Don Corleone sort of way that one day when I need something you’re going to offer to help me back, i’m not even going to ask. And you know what - THEY DO. People offer to help me without me asking now - because I did it for them FIRST. I gave them perceived value. Now it doesn’t matter if my introductions go anywhere - only that they were qualified introductions - whether a deal closes i can’t control - after all I’m not trying to broker it. If you offer perceived value but try to take a cut and broker something you will not build the good will neccessary to be a master connector because if you’re introductions don’t work out you will be blamed for them and you can fast erode your good will for making the connections. When you don’t ask for anything in return then its not your responsibility and people say thank you for being so altruistic.
RULE 5: BE THE PERSON EVERYONE INTRODUCES TO THEIR FRIENDS
This is an offshoot of perceived value. You don�t need to be the most well known or be person with the most people around you but be the person everyone wants to know. Usually this means be the host or I can be the person who if you look at the people around him � their heads are tilted sideways intently listening. Body Language is very important, if you see people standing upright listening they are probably pretending to listen but if you see them with their heads tilted, kind of leaning in, then they are probably really listening. Now you don�t need to be the most well known person but you want to be the person that everyone introduces their friends to. It is much more important to be the person that everyone wants to introduce to their friends then be the speaker or the MC or the big shot. Why? Because a personal introduction is the most valuable way to meet someone new.
The easiest way to pick up a girl is to get her best friend to introduce you. Nothing gets you in the inner circle quicker then a nod and wink from chic to chic. Say you want to pick up the hottest girl in the world, become good friends with her ugliest friend. It works. When you are introduced by someone that they value or like you are now in the door. The same holds true in business � introductions are key. If you want a meeting with a VC, what�s the best way to get it? Go to an event, hear an investor speak then go up to him afterwards? NO. Get to know someone he trusts and get an introduction from someone �in network�. Here in network is someone from the investor/startup community but in life it�s the group of girl friends. You only need to get an introduction once and its worth 1000 cold calls and pick up lines.
RULE 6: ALWAYS LEAVE PEOPLE WANTING MORE
The single most important thing is to know when to quit. Sure you can get this girl interested but you want to either leave with her or leave her at the right time. It�s usually better to leave because trying to sleep with someone when you first met them is a wild card.
Hang out for a bit then go back to your friends, come over again later, talk some more, introduce your friends to her friends and mix it up a bit. If you can merge groups that is very powerful.
However, whatever you do, don�t lay all your cards out on the table at once, don�t talk about the next time you will see her. Talk about the moment and as soon as the moment gets boring excuse yourself, get her number and call her in a few days. Don�t rush. If you rush or try to take a girl home right away � she will smell predator and dump your sorry ass. Sure sometimes the chemistry is right and you can pull it off and its worth it but unless you know the chemistry is right (making out on the couch in the lounge for an hour) don�t try to take her home � it�s not worth the risk. Would you rather kiss her a little today and sleep with her tomorrow then try to sleep with her today and get shot down and never see her again. You also better believe you just killed a shot with any of her friends.
In business talk until it gets boring, don�t try to close a deal the first time you meet someone, leave it so you will meet up with him or her again and talk specifics. You don�t want to kill a potential relationship by trying to fuck them right away. Wait. Move slow and steady. Build a relationship. When I meet people I never try to do a deal. I ask what they need help with and I go home and make some introductions that can help them, then follow up a few days later and try to do a deal myself. The good will I build by making introductions makes it much easier for me to do a deal myself when the time is right. I also don�t push it and don�t rush people so they are more prone to trust me. I always know when to walk away and I always follow up casually and offer help before asking for anything in return.
CONCLUSION:
I hope this was helpful. I�m just trying to pass some of my knowledge back to the world. Share some tips and tricks that I�ve learned and hopefully help people build better relationships in life and business.
