Bootstrapper.com - Confessions of Serial Entrepreneurs

Lately people have been asking me to write a book about my theory of “Positive Manipulation”. I was asked as a result of a forum post on asmallworld that grew to 500 posts in a week, culminating with gaining me a fanbase and getting my forum rights revoked by asw (I called their webmaster an idiot and proved it - probably not so smart)

The theory of Positive Manipulation is that you can get people to offer you stuff that they wouldn’t give you if you asked for it. You can do this by being genuine. I realized “the rules” positive manipulation by reverse engineering my own networking approach. I’m quite certain it works because since I’ve begun vocalizing my approach - i’ve made a number of friends, very quickly without any of the bullshit we all normally go through.

My feeling is that the reason people have such a hard time making friends is that they are scared that the person across the table from them is trying to fuck them, either literally or figuratively - usually both.

So how do I counter that? I am transparent and honest and simply share my approach to life with people. I answer any question and volunteer the fact that i am a crazy entrepreneur and master manipulator so they don’t have to think it. I also offer anyone that asks FREE advice, advice I can charge a lot of money for (and i have reams of thank you notes to show the quality and appreciativeness) and if i feel the person is intelligent & serious, i make introductions for them - very targeted, usually high level introductions to people that can help them. I do this without asking.

I am essentially opening up my network and putting myself at risk. Because my network is so incestuous, if I fucked one person, my whole network would know and my reputation would be shot in 10 seconds. Therefore, I cannot afford to screw anyone. I tell people this. I also share with people stories of what an asshole I can be and what a nice person in fact I am. People ask me who I am, I don’t tell them my story (that’s available on my website) I tell them stories about me to show them my character & intelligence.

I also go further and try to separate people from their existing positions in life and ask questions to get at the heart of their true goals and aspirations. After all, we all love to talk, we just need to be asked the right questions in order to open up. Questions such as “Are you happy?”, “What do you really want to do?”, “Who Are You?”. “How Did you get here?” - are all good questions. BAd questions are questions about their current occupation. The way I ask questions people will talk indirectly about their current situation and will open up and tell you the truth instead of giving you the company line of BS.

What is the end result of my approach? I get people to offer to help me and put me in situations I couldn’t get if i asked because i had no agenda and helped them without them asking for help. I went out of my way for them, therefore they go out of the way for me. (I have a whole theory about self interest and motivating factors but that’s for another post)

It works. I have made lots of friends, gotten them to pour out their hearts and gotten them to do me favors - all within a few minutes of meeting them.

This works in business and normal life. It also works with the opposite sex as a way to attract people - with a few minor modifications (mainly the initial introduction needs to be manicured differently). How much money would you spend to be able to eliminate the bullshit and cut to the chase - and build real relationships in business or in dating? Think of all the wasted expensive dates…

So what does everyone think? Should I write a book?

Just read an interesting book, Wise Words by Sean Wide, a Canadian Venture type. While he’s not an entrepreneur or a VC but a writer and adviser, it actually is a worthwhile read. If you’re an entrepreneur looking raising institutional capital for the first time it really is an eye opener because its honest. The single most important point in the book is the first chapter, it’s who you know and how you got the intro.

There was an interesting quote from the Talmud in there….that the way to find out if someone is fit to marry is to see how they are drunk, in business and when hes mad. I thought it was interesting, you rarely see talmud in business books. I also liked the business ju-jitsu title because of my MMA/BJJ background. Cute.

Some advice from me: make friends VC’s even if you don’t have anything to pitch. Build a real relationship. Make friends. I was at a venture conference once and one of the speakers made an interesting comment “I’m a VC, I don’t have any friends” Remember that it goes beyond simple networking.

For example you’re promoting an industry party and you want people from certain companies to come. What is the best way to get the word out? Call the CEO? No. Call the Director of Marketing? No. … go in person and talk to the receptionist and INVITE HER, show her/him some love and then everyone leaving the office will know about your event.

The same way make friends with a VC, don’t just go for their money. Go to lunch with a VC and split the check.

life and business is about friendships. I only work with people i’m friends with. I learned this lesson the hard way. If you can’t stand someones company, why would you want to go to bed with them?